Every Other Rom-Com Ever


Female Lead: I am an uptight workaholic, and am neurotic to the point of damaging my personal relationships. [trips and tells implausible lies] But I’m also clumsy and awkward so it’s okay.

Best Friend: I am a quirky free spirit who inexplicably enjoys your company. I’m sassy, laid-back, and somehow always right.

Quirky Parents: We’re benignly embarrassing! And also somehow always right.

Female Lead: I’m lonely, but I still have The Plan. That’ll make me happy, right?

Best Friend: [rolls eyes] The Plan can’t keep you warm at night, if you know what I mean.

Quirky Parents: You can’t spend your life with The Plan. [Insert adorkable old people moment]


Male Lead: [enters, probably awkwardly] Hello, I am a charming asshole whose assholery hides a sensitive heart.


Male Lead: Fuck The Plan. Stop being so uptight. Stop caring so much about things I don’t care about.

Female Lead: But I have dreams! Aspirations that have nothing to do with you!

Male Lead: [follows her around] Me, tho.

Female Lead: [relents] Perhaps you are correct.

[They are happy for 5 minutes, in which he is overbearing and she is uncomfortable cool with it.]

[Insert The Event. Maybe she lied to him. Maybe she prioritized her career and life goals over her sort-of-boyfriend. Maybe *gasp* AN EASILY EXPLAINABLE MISUNDERSTANDING. He shames her for what she’s done and storms off.]

Female Lead: I was wrong. But it’s too late to apologize for some reason.

Best Friend OR Quirky Parents: You should apologize.

Female Lead: But it’s too late for some reason! Also The Plan! Perhaps we were never meant to be.

Best Friend OR Quirky Parents: Fuck The Plan. This guy you’ve known for like a week eclipses everything else. Go to him.

Female Lead: You’re right! [leaves friend’s wedding/important meeting/family reunion/etc. Goes to him with big gesture. Trips, because she’s still clumsy and awkward.] I’M SORRY FOR NOT MAKING YOU TOP PRIORITY IN MY LIFE, MAN I’M ONLY KIND OF DATING.

Male Lead: I’m sorry I shamed you for having a life plan that doesn’t revolve around romance/sex, but this scene still implies I was right to do so.

Female Lead: Fuck The Plan.

[They kiss]

Female Lead: [narrating] Thus I learned that romantic love is more important than any other kind of love, or financial stability, or dreams you’ve had for literally decades. And I am better for it now. The End.

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